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“That teenage luuv…”
12-2-07 (but she wrote 11-2-07)
I’m
baaack. :-) Nothing too drastic has happened to me…
that I can remember at least. Lol. I’m still trying to get Mac-face 2 come
2 church with me, but I’m still praying about it.
Our
family camping trip is coming up… oooh goody. Lol. Maybe it’ll rain super hard so we can go to the mall or
something… haha.
Okay
I’m going to be 100% completely honest so mom/dad/any1 else that finds this,
I’m sorry but this is just how I feel.
Last night I went to the movies & stood in the exact spot I gave Dan
our last kiss… it made me miss him sooo much. And maybe I shouldn’t miss him but I was so used 2 having
him 2 go 2 4 six months. I didn’t
care that he wasn’t that attractive, his annoying side or when he was just a
flat out jerk… I think I loved him & that’s all I cared about. He was just a normal teenager and he
treated me right. OK… so he did pressure
me a little but what guy wouldn’t?
Am I giving him too much credit?
I dunno – maybe I was settling 4 something less but I could have been a
heck of a lot stronger too. But
we’re both different now so maybe… gah… nevermind. Sometimes I want him back so bad (only if we’d be different
though) cuz I swear I’d be stronger but it is easy 2 go back 2 ur old ways I
guess.
This is
where I push back on the heart-ache and trust that God knows what He’s doing it
up there.. *sigh * It’s sooo tough
but one day I’ll be looking back at them 2/ my future husband just laughing. I
know these teenage relationships won’t mean a thing when I find the one but
it’s all a part of growing up… I just can’t wait to meet the person God has 4
me.
In
Christ,
Heather
Lee
*I
almost 4got 2 strive 2 be better. Lol *
Dear Heather,
Wow! There is so much for a mother to
say. But I’ll try not to sound too preachy. Forget that! I’m a mom.
It’ll sound preachy no matter what I say and I'm okay with that!
Let’s start at
your conclusion …. You said, “I know these teenage relationships won’t mean a
thing when I find the one but it’s all a part of growing up….” Unfortunately, you are only partially
right. Done well, these
relationships can teach you a great deal and be part of growing up in Western
culture. But done wrong – they
will tear another gaping hole in your heart. Sadly, you will have given part of your heart away to
someone who was never meant to have it and who may not treat it with the
respect and honor it deserves.
I know that you
can’t wait to meet the person God has for you. But do you mean, “I’m so excited. The anticipation is killing me, but I know God has a plan
for me and I’ll wait for His timing?”
Or is it more
like this: “God. I can’t
wait. You know I need a guy to
make me feel good about myself. You know I need a guy to touch me and hold me
and tell me I’m beautiful. You know I need someone to love. You know I need someone that will say
he loves me. You know I want to
have fun. You know I don’t want to
be the only one without a guy. You
know I need someone. So, while I’m
waiting on You to get Your act together and meet my needs with the guy You have
chosen for me, I’ll just find my own boyfriends? Okay, God?”
My guess is that
you feel the need to fill in the gaps for God. :0
You asked
yourself, “Am I giving Dan too much credit?” As you do frequently -- you answer your own questions
without realizing it. And
sometimes, you give really good advice.
Maybe if I repeat what you said – you can hear yourself!
He pressured
me. He was a jerk. He was annoying. (Okay – that’s true of
everyone – so no points off there.) I gave all of myself to him. I wasn’t strong enough to say no. He cheated on me. Maybe I am settling for something
less. I wouldn’t want him back if
things were like before.
Does this sound
like the man you think God made just for you? Even if he was – you are 15 and just starting high school –
are you strong and mature enough to remain pure and wholesome with the man God
chose for you until you are actually ready to get married? Or would you be too
impatient and mess up God’s plans for you? (My educated guess - I think you know yourself well enough
to know you aren’t yet ready for a lifetime commitment. And God probably knows that too!)
From reading your
journals, I know that you understand that God wants you to turn to Him to
fulfill your need for love and affection. Unfortunately, knowing and
understanding doesn’t mean we do what we know is right. You probably don’t need to me tell you
that because you say it often. But we all need reminders and
accountability. So consider this
my gentle reminder – or a slap across the face – whichever you need.
Quit trying to do
this yourself! This is one of those times when being stubborn and independent
doesn’t work so well. Be patient
and wait for God. The results will be much better!
Okay. So, I know that I’ve told you and your
sisters this many times before… but moms feel the need to repeat the important
stuff. It comes with the job
title. :-) Lesson 2,485. You aren’t ready to be with another
person until you are right with God and you are full and complete and happy all
alone. Each person should go into the relationship with his or her heart as
close to 100% whole as possible.
Only when you are
full and complete and healed will you be ready to become one flesh with another
person. I’m not saying you have to
be perfect. Or that you can’t have
issues. We are all imperfect and
have issues. And we always will.
I’m saying that
relationships are best when we have taken the time to grow and mature and focus
on our relationship with God – where He helps us work out the big stuff --
before we add all our garbage to another person.
Think about
it. You aren’t just combining the
good stuff with the other person.
You bring all of your garbage and crap into the relationship and that
gets combined into the one flesh too!
Sounds a little
weird I know. But that’s what God
says marriage is… when two people become one. When one or both people come into the marriage broken or
incomplete, they don’t suddenly become unbroken and whole just because they get
married.
And I suspect
what you really want is what most of us want. You want to be valued for who you are as a person, but you
want a life-time love affair with a man who will play the roles you aren’t
meant to play – warrior, protector, fighter, leader of your home.
The problem is
that most of us know we should put God first and let him fill the voids, but we
do the exact opposite. We know
that we have holes in our heart.
But we think that if we find someone who doesn’t struggle with the same
issues, or someone who is strong where we are weak – that that will make us
whole again. But that’s a lie.
And in case you
are wondering, it doesn’t really matter what causes the hole – the result is
the same. You can’t expect to find someone else to make-up for your bad
qualities. It’s not fair to expect some guy to “make you happy.” It is simply too much
responsibility. No human will ever
make another person happy because God didn’t make humans to fulfill that
role. We can add to a person’s happiness
– but we can’t create it in another person. I know that is a pretty deep concept. Does it make sense?
And as for
timing, I suspect that your future husband needs time to prepare for you too –
either to repair his brokenness or to mature his Godly leadership so he can be
a strong husband for you.
If I were God, I
would make your perfect man a Godly, mature, whole, gentle, strong,
adventurous, daring leader. And he
would have become that man either because he suffered much and overcame it with
God. Or, because he grew up
knowing and pursuing God and has a heart of understanding, love, and grace for
those who have suffered much.
That’s not the
man you described in Dan. At least
not yet. Ironically, you are
right. He’s just a typical
teenager. Which is exactly why he
shouldn’t be your boyfriend. You
need good guy friends. Not
“romantic teen relationships.”
Enough mommy
preaching. But it’s the
truth. And I know that you know
that. Just a reminder.
I love You.
Mom
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