Heather's Journal #23. No Title. 11-12-07

Note:  Yesterday, I talked about Heather's desire to help others.  I had forgotten this entry in which she describes her strong desire to help others find the Truth.  I'm so glad you can read it in her words.

23

No Title

11-12-07

Omygosh.  I’m the exact kind of person I’ve always hated.  *sigh * Let’s just say God gave me a dream last night (a specific sigh) not 2 do something.  And @ 1^st I was like oh, ok.  Got it God.  But then I started questioning & trying 2 find a way around it.  Lol.  Wow.  But now I see what my flesh wanted me 2 do & I will not fall into the temptation.  God works though me & it’s so amazing… He’s always got my back. 

Anyways, today is Kat’s 16^th Birthday! I can’t believe she is 16.  Time is flying.  I’m taking 2day slooow.  From yesterday’s phone call I just wanna sleep my pain away.  Me & Mom went 2 c Martian Child.  And it reminded me sooo much of Me & Mom.  We had fun, I think it was the perfect movie 4 us. 

My life cracks me up.  How God has totally given me everything I need – and how I still mess up & every time I crawl hopelessly back into His arms.  He feels like home 2 me – I wish the world knew what I know. 

Not that I know everything.  But how I’m a living experience of someone who came from the very bottom & strives 4 the very top.  I don’t just believe God’s real.  I know 4 a fact He is. Look @ me.  Do you honestly think I would have ended up here, like this, out of pure coincidence?  I think not.  It’s so good 2 feel so sure of something.

Even when I feel lost & unsure of almost everything – I’m positive I can go 2 is the Lord.  That’s a fact in my mind, not just something I’ve learned 2 believe.  If the world knew that too – wow! Think of the change. 

I wanna help this world cuz my heart just aches 4 people who are like me/worse – and I wanna be a part of helping.  That’s up 2 God 2 decide though.  *Sigh *

I will strive 2 be better.

In Christ,

Heather Lee

Dear Heather,

I wish I had your kind of faith today.  Thank goodness we only need faith as small as a mustard seed because some days that’s all I can mustard up!  (That was a dad kind of joke.  Get it?  Mustard up… instead of muster up? … This is the part where you stare in disbelief at the stupidity of the joke.  :-)!) 

Anyways, sometimes, we have the “I washed my iPod” days and it’s hard to see anything good.  Other days are like today for you … when everything about God seems so clear and obvious that we look stupid for not seeing it all the time.

That happened to me last night.  I was watching an episode of Planet Earth. The narrator talks about a large variety of sea creatures, showing us and beautifully describing how perfectly they are designed for their designated job and how all their jobs inter-relate in symbiosis.  How can you see the minute details of perfection and believe it was an accident or by chance? It never ceases to AMAZE me how much science proves that we must have had a Creator!

I agree though.  Having ups and downs in our pursuit of our Savior is a challenge.  But it would be so much worse to live life never knowing the Truth.  Believing lies and not even knowing that they are lies.  Having no hope for a future.  Thinking that nothing really matters.  Thinking it is all about us.  That would be a living Hell.

I know that you will get the desires of your Heart and God will use you to bring others to know and understand Him more fully. 

I love you.

Mom