Thursday, July 12, 2012

Heather's Journal #19. "The Death of My Daddy" - November 5, 2007


19
“The Death of My Daddy”
November 5, 2007

“School has been put on hold lately.  And I’ve been completely fine w/ it.  I can’t concentrate on anything let alone stay focused on school.  I honestly don’t know how 2 deal w/ this.  I’m struggling w/ accepting that I’m not ok.  I wanna be because I think I should be.  But I’m not.  At least that’s what mom says.  She knows me better than I do so I’ll trust her.  Lol.  I just don’t know.  Should I cry or just think about it?  I had a dream about him last night.  I dreampt  that I walked right past him & said, “I’ll figure out what really happened.”  And I didn’t look back.  I got the answer from people but I don’t remember the answer. 

But anyways I’m praying 4 help.  I’m going through yet another death of some1 I loved w/ every ounce of my heart.  My daddy.  The image of my daddy is warped & I can’t change it.  It’s so weird looking back @ pictures of him.  The picture shows my daddy, but the truth my eyes now sees shows my father.  Something like this shouldn’t hurt me so bad bc I’ve been fine all these years (well almost).  I’m living, breathing, I’m healthy & I’m fine.

Why should I have 2 face what’s in my past?  Idk.  Maybe it shouldn’t hurt this bad, but since it obviously does, I’m gonna try 2 figure this out.  It’ll only make me stronger.  I trust God w/ this, that He’ll get me through this, just like He always does.

“I will strive 2 be better.

In Christ,
Heather Lee



Dear Heather,

You aren’t okay. (But you will be.) You haven’t been okay in years. Not really. You are just pretending that you are okay. And a lot of people buy your act – but not me. J You are trying to avoid confronting the issue head on -- Thinking that if you pretend like they didn’t happen, it won’t affect you and you can be the “happy-go-lucky” girl you want to be. But it doesn’t work that way! This isn’t Oz or Wonderland
.


Remember my semi-frozen Diet Dr. Pepper story?  Well, the latest information about your dad unscrewed the cap and your real feelings are spewing out and making a huge mess – but you are frantically trying to screw the cap back into place.  The irony is that even if you succeed – most of the stuff has 
already escaped.

What hurts is that you have to deal with the mess because you can’t put it back in the bottle – and you really would prefer to avoid it. 

Let me encourage you to feel.  Feel whatever you feel.  Even bad.  Feel angry.  Feel disappointed.  Feel sad.  Feel horrified.  Feel trashy. Feel nasty.  Just feel. 

But don’t let the feelings control you.  Remember - feelings make a good servant but a terrible master.  The feelings can serve you well if you let them help you figure out what you think so that you can get past the feelings. 

It will do you no good to be angry, disappointed, horrified or to feel trashy or nasty for the rest of your life.  If you do, then the abuser wins.  The abuser takes charge not only of the abuse but of everything after the abuse. 

You are a fighter and you won’t let that happen. You have God on your side, so who can be against you?

I love you.
Mom

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