Heather's Journal #12 - "Not So Depressed Anymore" - 10-15-07

12

“Not So Depressed Anymore”

10-15-07

*Deep sigh * Things have been going pretty smooth the last couple of days… (watch me get jinxed w/ my luck).  The soccer tournament went well.  I’m on the right page 2 say the least.  But even though I have no cell phone, no computer or any way of communication other than in person, I still find myself not directing absolutely everything to God.  There’s still the natural flesh in me.  But that takes time & practice.  (Just sinful thought, not speaking up when I should, etc.)  


I’m not saying I have it all back 2gether, bc I don’t.  But I have got my Jesus & I’m a survivor.  Ya Ya! 


Anyways, late night.  I have school 2morrow – unfortunately.  So bye. 

I will strive 2 be better,

In Christ

Heather Lee

P.S.  I’m prayin’ things will fall into place w/ Brad.  I miss my best friend.

Dear Heather,

I'm glad you feel better.  Because things are going well today, you may not want to hear the thoughts triggered by your P.S. - but this is what is on my heart for you after reading your entry so I will say it.


Brad lives 800 miles from here.  How many times have you actually been in the same place as Brad?  How many hours have you spent together in the same physical location?  


Do you notice that many of your “best friends” tend to live too far away for them to see first hand how you live or what you do and say?  Have you ever thought about how easy it is to pretend to be someone or something else when there is no accountability?  No way for the person to know the truth? 

I think things like email and texting and facebook are changing the way we communicate.  But they also put a shield between us and the people we are talking too because it is so easy to hide our true self and instead portray the person we would like to be!

Although you do have friends nearby, I notice how attached you get to people you hardly ever see.  I know that when I dated and married my first husband, it was a long -distance relationship.  And although we spent a lot of short time periods together (a few days to a week) over the course of a year – it was so easy for me to be on my best behavior.  It was so easy to overlook obvious problems because I didn’t want to mess up our short time with a serious talk or problem.  It was easy for me to miss his addictions.

Ultimately, our marriage lasted only about a year because we were vastly different people with different values and beliefs.  How could we marry and not know that? I now see the danger of long-distance relationships.  Not that they can’t work – just that you have to know the pitfalls so that you won’t fall into the trap of having a false relationship.

Somehow, I see the distance as a safety net for you.   A chance for you to portray yourself as the person that you want to be.  Not the person that you are.  Not to say that a fantasy isn’t good or that role-playing who you want to be is bad… just that you need to figure out your motives and thoughts so you can better understand yourself.


And in the end.  You need to be whoever you are meant to be and no one else!

I love you,

Mom