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“And they say, ‘Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah. They give us truth deceiving.
I don’t think
that’s truth at all.’”
7-27-08
These
late crazy summer nights when I’m 16, I will never ever forget. Full of smiles, squealing, friendship
that never dies and love that never wants to hear the words goodbye. I feel like I’m supposed to be falling
apart but I’m not because I won’t allow anything to get to me.
I feel
like a flower blowing in the wind… something that supposed to be alive and
beautiful but hasn’t quite found their place just yet.
I’m
living in the bittersweet summer that will eventually bring pain and turn into
only a memory. I never wanna let
go, I never wanna move on. I’m not
gunna lie anymore, I’m broken. I’m
fragile. I’m just trying to get
by.
I’m
hoping all these summer memories is what’s keeping me goin… all the laughter,
all nighters, all the hugs and all the kisses…. every i love you and every skip
of a beat from my heart will hold me together.
I
should be going to God to hold me together but I can’t look at Him now… I don’t
know why I won’t let go and allow Him to be in control because I know I want
to… I hope He forgives me and I hope He knows I haven’t forgotten my King, the
love of my heart, my God.
i will
love you.
In
Christ
Heather
Marie Lee
“And
the say Blah. Blah. Blah. Blah. They give
us love that’s leaving. I don’t
think that’s love.”
“Shades
of Pink”
Dear Heather,
What can a mother
say? You know what you need to
do. But at the very core of your
being you still cannot Trust. Not
even God. So you substitute
fleeting emotions for true inner peace and hope that laughter and squealing and
friendships and love that doesn’t want to say goodbye will sustain you.
The funny thing
is – all of those emotions are great.
Perfect. Fun. Expected. Even desired.
But not as a shield or a wall to separate you from dealing with your
issues. Not when you use them as a
weapon to ward off a relationship with God.
Do you understand
that you can have BOTH. Examine yourself.
I do not know the answers sweetheart. Other than prayer. I do not know
how to make your heart Trust. I do
not know how to break down the stone walls with barbs and wire that pierce and
push away God and people that love you.
But I know that is the problem.
I love you.
Mom
Dear God,
Tear down the
walls. Open her heart to
Trust. You are unchanging. Fill the spaces left void from her
past. Answer the questions of her
heart. Help me help her. Show me the way to be her mother. Guide me – minute by minute if necessary – and show me how to represent You to her. We need you Lord.
I love you.
Heather’s Mom
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