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“The
pounding of my heart beats just right.
Alive
and healthy I stand in silence under these late summer skies.
What
can I do to meet you here.
Have
you flood my heart.
And
wash my mind setting it clear.
Be
the blood that runs against my bones.
Listen
with me in beauty
Like
the best symphony ever composed.
Break
my heart if it gets me closer to you
Leave
me with nothing
If
that would help me stay faithful and true.”
I’ve
got a secret that’s eating at my flesh.
That’s running through my veins and soaking into my bones. Is this what Christianity’s about? Getting close to God one month and then
falling from Him the next? Will it
always be a constant circle? Am I
always gonna be bound to come crashing on the floor to my knees in tears
begging God to forgive me? Not
because I’m simply not perfect, but because I chose to go my way instead of
His? Why can’t I find strength to
stay the way I believe is right?
Just let me seek happiness… let me find love.
I will
love you.
In
Christ
Heather
Marie Lee
Dear Heather,
In God’s perfect
plan, we are not forced to endure
the constant circle of running to and from God in constant motion. On the contrary, he offers us peace and
assurance. But what God offers us and what we take advantage of are quite different.
It’s that
spiritual battle again. And our
internal battle between flesh and spirit. When we can fully submit ourselves to God’s will – we
have nothing to fear. There is nothing to
concern us. Nothing to bother
us. You write of that feeling quite
often. It is when you write that
you are most happy.
But what you are
describing now is the rebellion we talked about earlier. When you intentionally choose to go
against God and you really love Him, then you will feel the pain of your
disobedience. As long as you keep
choosing your way – you will not avoid the pain.
You must submit -
as fully and completely as you can – to God. You have to trust Him.
Only then is it possible to stop the constant ups and downs. Even for me, the ups and downs continue
– the ups last longer partially because I don’t get discouraged to the point
that I want to give up. I accept
the downs as part of the process and move on.
The words “let me
seek happiness…let me find love” stand out to me. Are you sure those should really be your goals? If you seek happiness and
love as your goal, it might feel good for the moment, but it is usually short-lived. But ultimately, you will find yourself
back on your knees begging for forgiveness, because your heart isn't really happy unless you are doing what you know to be right.
I suggest that you pursue
what is right in your heart. If
you do that, happiness and love will find you.
The problem with simply seeking happiness, it that you are willing to try anything to achieve it – and that leads you
down broken paths to a deadend.
I see this in competition. If winning is your only goal, then you will do whatever it takes. Even if it means cheating, or lying, or hurting others. And you CAN win that way. But if you have any morals or values that are inconsistent with that need to win, the win can seem empty.
So, in every
decision you make – ask yourself – am I doing what I know in my heart to be
right. If you do that – you will
ultimately be happy no matter the outcome.
I love you.
Mom
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