Heather's Journal #68. No title. 4/26/08

68

No Title

4/26/08

Ya know, being a Christian & actually livin’ like one are2 completely different things.  I’m having a hard time because I feel like I’m stuck in the middle.  I’m naturally wild, so my flesh & personality seem 2 consume a big part of me.  Ultimately I know what’s best but there’s still that part of me that just wants to be so out of control.  I think it’s natural but I also believe mine is a little stronger than most. 

So, I’m hangin onto the edge of my seat trying to survive these teenage years. I’m 15 still.. oh when will I grow up? Lol.  But when I am grown, I’ll be lookin back @ this wishing I could go back & live just one more day like it.  Overall, it’s been fun… an unforgettable adventure.

I will strive to be better.

In Christ,

Heather Marie Lee

Dear Heather,

Okay.  I hate to keep quoting Don Miller like he’s some genius – but like I said, we think alike.  And the issues that you raise, he raises.  And he raises them because we all do.  Even when we are afraid to talk about it. 

So, believing and living your faith are two completely different things.  You ain’t kiddin’ girl.  It is so hard to live out what we believe.  Not because it is bad, but because there is a battle between our personal desires and the desires of our spirit. 

Our personal desires have proven time and again to be bad for us, make us unhappy, and get us no where.  The desires of our spirit, have proven time and again to bring us unexplainable joy and security and happiness.

Yet, no matter how often we see the good, there are always times we forget that and try to please ourselves again.  And the cycle repeats.  Again and again. 

That battle feels constant and never ending.  Sometimes, it seems to have gone away for a while – or at least it isn’t torturing us daily – but other times it eats us alive. 

Being aware that it is a battle and a struggle is key.  When our guard is down, that’s when we get trapped. 

And as for you desire to be wild – I don’t really know how you define wild – but I can assure you that God did not create my Heather to sit in a church pew with her hands folded neatly across her bible quoting scripture and passing our leaflets on the streets.  God made you adventurous so that you can join the world on His team and live an exciting life – showing people what being totally on fire for Him can look like.  It is not dull and boring.  Or at least it doesn’t have to be.

I encourage the adventure.  I trust you will know the difference between adventure and stupidity.  Or that God will guide you.

I love you.

Mom