Short Mom Commentary - July 2, 2012

If you are just finding this blog, I suggest you start from the very beginning
 and read "About this Blog: By Heather's Mom" and all the other entries in order. 
 This is a story that occurs over years...


Short Interruption for a Mom Commentary:  July 2, 2012

While reading some of the messages to me about this blog, I realized that so many people were impacted by the confident, bright, happy, hilarious, friendly-never-meet-a-stranger, never judge anyone, always make you feel special, Heather. Even if you only met her once, or only knew her through Skype! That was the face she presented to the world.  If you only knew that side of her, it might be surprising to learn the depth of her struggles.  And if you didn't know her at all and all you are seeing is the struggling side, you wouldn't know that she did have moments of freedom and happiness and love and excitement.  


But many people have also expressed feeling just like Heather at so many levels. Happy or acting happy on the surface, but insecure and scared on the inside. And these aren't just young teens expressing these feelings. It's everyone.  All ages.  Even grandma's like me!


Why? I think it is because the feelings are universal.  The reasons aren't always the same.  And some of us eventually overcome the overwhelming part of these feelings.  But most of us live our life afraid to be real and authentic and transparent.  We fear that we are too much to handle!  Afraid that we won't meet with other's approval.  Afraid that we are alone and no one can understand us.  


For many months now I have not been able to get the phrase, "What is exposed to the light can't be used against us."  That isn't exactly a bible verse.  I looked it up in Ephesians 5:13-14. The verse I think is speaking to me is, 

"But when anything is exposed by the light, it becomes visible, for anything that becomes visible is light."

It isn't exactly anything except a reminder to me that it is our secrets that destroy us.  It's our secrets that haunt us.  It's our secrets that make us feel insecure and alone.  And that can't be from God. (Hey God, if I'm wrong about this please let no one else absorb my thoughts!)


I don't mean we literally can't be hurt by exposing our true selves to others because when we risk exposing ourselves to frail, sinful, broken, hurting humans, their crap gets mixed with ours and it can be hurtful. There is no way around that.


But on a deeper level, when we live real, exposed, authentic lives we can develop much stronger more real relationships with some people who really do understand us.  That gives us the strength to live confidently flawed!


When we share, we find that we aren't alone.  And at some level, that too is freeing. 


Postscript: Remember, Heather was 14-years-old when she wrote her first journal entries.  She wrote continuously until she was 18-years-old.  This is the beginning of the journey.  Not the end.  Thankfully.