Heather's Journal #8 - "And then the Magic Happens ... lol" 10-9-07.

8

“And then the Magic Happens… lol”

10-9-07

I’m takin’ it one day @ a time & so far I’ve done good.  I’ve been focusing on my mindset & resisting even the small things I know I shouldn’t do.  I don’t know why this is so hard 4 me.  Ha, what can I say?  I was born 2 be wild & innocent.  It’s just who I am & it’s hard getting used 2 something else.  But I found it 2 be rather easy once you get used 2 it.  I’ve gotta hang in here.

I miss Brad.  I wonder how many times I’ll write those words.  It’s so hard.  I had the absolute perfect opportunity 2 call him, but I didn’t.  I just can’t even though I know I would have called him in a heartbeat a few weeks ago.  Not giving into it did make me feel better, not right away but it paid off.  

Forget if mom & dad notice if I follow the rules or resist temptation, I’m doing it 4 myself & God up above.  He’s the one I’m livin’ 4 so that should be good enough 4 me.  

Back 2 what I was sayin, I miss him.  I’m still praying 4 a miracle… so what if he’s not the guy I’m gonna marry, he’s my best friend (one of them @ least) and I couldn’t have him just disappear out of my life because of one kiss.  It was a Disney moment – not planned or anything.  I know it sounds stupid but it did just happen.  But I am sorry 4 it.  I just want him back in my everyday life.  I’ll wait this thing out. 

Looking back @ how I used to live – the music I listened to, the guys I made out with, amazes me in so many ways.  I want my life 2 be a love story to God.  I’ve gone through some of the most difficult and confusing times but God can use everything 4 good… if you let Him.  Maybe I’m just in a good mood or in my right mind @ the moment but I hope that when I’m at the point where I feel I couldn’t possibly go on – I will look back @ this & remember who I’m living for. 

If I could just picture God up above pulling 4 me as if He’s my biggest fan, if I could picture all the Godly woman in my life, (Mom, Aunt Grace, Shae, etc.) all the people praying for me to get through this – if I could just picture my life 10-20 years from now … & everything turning out good & all I do is live 4 God – if I can just picture all of these things when I feel hopeless, waisted, not worth it, I know I’ll make it.

Heck, I’ve gone through 2 much 2 give up now.  I’m falling more in love w/ God as all of this starts 2 fit 2gether slowly but surely.  Mistakes… they’re merely blessings in disguise.

I will strive to be better.

In Christ,

Heather Lee

Dear Heather,

It’s sounds like you are exercising good self-control at the moment.  Life is all about wanting to do one thing and knowing that we should do something different.  Unfortunately, that struggle probably won’t end until you make it heaven.  It is a life struggle! 

Anyway, I just want to caution you to stay focused on the bigger picture.  Remember to stay focused on your heart and your conduct will follow. Do you notice that when you feel close and connected to God, you have an easier time making the decisions that make you proud of yourself?  

Wasn't it you that said that you do everything that you don't want to do and you don't do everything you do want to do... or was that a verse in Romans 7:15? Lol.

Maybe it was both, because without realizing it, you spoke truth. Every day, we (me, you, everybody) does something we don't want to do - like lie or get angry or think mean thoughts or whatever. And at the same time, we have a whole list of things we DO want to do that never happen. You would think if we are humans in control of our thoughts and emotions, we could do a little better than that. But we don't.

Stay in touch with God and he will give you strength.  And I promise you – God will still allow you to have fun and live an adventurous exciting life with meaning.  He’s a God of thrills and amazing moments!

I love you.

Mom