Wednesday, July 4, 2012

Heather's Journal #7 - "Just Another Day" 10-08-07


FYI:  Shae (her real name) was Heather's youth leader and friend.  She is a mom herself and is wise and loving and honest.  The kind of person a mom hopes will influence her child.  Thanks Shae.

7
“Just Another Day”
10-8-07

I’ve gotten through another hell of a day.  But hey, I’m still alive.  Mom & Dad might not let me go to Shae’s house 2morrow.  Which really pisses me off b/c I need 2 go.  I need 2 get away.  I’m hoping it will give me motivation.  Shae’s really good @ helping me & she’s just plain freakin’ cooleo. 

It was amazing @ church this Sunday.  B/c it felt like God restored hope in me.  Just like I’ve been praying for.  Now I’m praying that God will let me go 2 Shae’s.  I really need 2 go & I’m almost 259% positive nothing will go wrong. 

Well anyways, everything’s still the same except the fact that I’m a lil calmer than I have been.  I’ve been battling my flesh every day.  It’s so hard but I know somewhere that I’m strong & I’ll get through this. (Hopefully) Sometimes I feel so weak but I find strength in God when I’m fully open 2 it. 

I keep having the same flashbacks.  My dad is tickling me & I can hear my laugh in the background.  Then he falls over and I’m looking at him wondering what happened.  Then I go get help.  I remember that like it just happened.  I hate 2 say it but I wish I knew then what I know now … when will I forget – when will these memories disappear?

I will strive 2 be better.
In Christ
Heather Lee

Dear Heather,

So, you are almost 259% sure nothing will go wrong?  Exactly how sure is that?  I know that math isn’t your best subject (and certainly not mine) but if I was a betting woman – those would seem like really good odds!  But I’m not.  And when it comes to trust – almost 259% sure is still not enough to rebuild trust between us.  Consistency is the key, not a few single instances. Trust will be built when you repeatedly honor your word. 

I know you are probably thinking.  “Okay. Fine.  How many times do I have to be honest and trustworthy before you will trust me?” I also know that are frustrated and anxious because you can’t seem to get things right even though you try.  And I wish there weren’t natural consequences to your actions.  But there are.  And in your case, lying, deception, and sneaking around have broken our trust relationship in a big way.  If I can’t trust you, then none of your words have meaning that I can rely upon.

I wish I could give you a specific number or a formula or a checklist for rebuilding trust.  But it doesn’t work that way.  Trust is not a mathematical or scientific process.    Instead, it’s relational.  And all we can do is be trustworthy and wait for the other person to trust.  I promise it will be worth it.

I love you.
Mom

P.S. For the record, this would be an example of a time when your choices resulted in bad consequences.  Satan doesn’t have to do anything if you make bad decisions without his help. That frees him up to spend time on the people who need more help to sin well. :-) 

P.P.S.  Was your dad drunk when he fell over?  Do you feel responsible for that?  Based on the stories you tell me, it seems you always saw yourself as his protector and savior.  Do you remember that you were only 4-years-old at this time? I know you can see now how crazy that would be – a 4-year-old responsible for the health and safety of her father – but have you really let go of that feeling?  If not, it may be what makes you hold on to guilt and makes you feel like you don’t deserve love. Because you weren’t good enough to play God. 

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