Wednesday, March 19, 2014

Heather's Journal # 106: “There’s no tears left to cry at the end of the night.” September 6, 2008


106
“There’s no tears left to cry at the end of the night.”
September 6, 2008


Got busted for gettin drunk Friday night.  I’ve been fighting my fleshly desire for so long and to finally do it, I changed my outlook.  My parents’ disappointment in me is making me so sad… The only way I’m not emotionally destroyed right now is because I’ve had practice so many times before from picking up the pieces & starting over again.

I’m so ashamed… God shouldn’t have anything to do with me & my parents shouldn’t love me.  I deserve nothing.

The process of getting out of this mess no longer scares me.  It just makes me impatient.  I’m only scared of what people think of me… if they’ll still love me after all this & accept me for me.  There’s a battle going on in my heart & I gave up Friday… where was my strength?  I guess this is what’s gunna make me a little stronger next time.  I’ve screwed up. 

It was my choice & I got what I wanted… or what I thought I wanted.  But I’m not destroyed by the enemy.  Now I can give it all up to God.  Carry me until I am able to walk again…

I will love you.
In Christ,
Heather Lee

Dear Heather,

Yes.  You screwed up.  Again.  You did something dangerous.  Again.  You gave into your fleshly desires – knowing that it would get you no where.  Again. 

You got caught.  Again.  You have disappointed us.  Again.  There are consequences. Again. 

But you are forgiven.  Again.  You are still loved.  Again.  You are still worthy. Again. 

And because you have turned back to God, the Enemy has lost.  Again.

I love you anyway.
Mom

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