Heather's Journal #104: “Have you ever just stood there & let the wind kiss your hair… And put your head in a lion’s mouth & didn’t feel scared…” Sep 3, 2008

104

“Have you ever just stood there & let the wind kiss your hair…

And put your head in a lion’s mouth & didn’t feel scared…”

Sep 3, 2008

I lay here without an ounce of regret, I walk the streets without a single emotion of shame.  This heart of mine has been covered up by the thickest blanket and underneath I believe it’s drowning in regret & shame. 

The two things my mind tells my heart I don’t feel.  What  a liar my mind has become.  I pray to God begging him to take this desperation away.  He hears me I know, but I cry myself to sleep because my desperation has not packed up and said goodbye. 

This generation looks like a buncha dead bodies walking around… any true emotions have been trashed  & a lie is the new truth.  So I stare at the many faces as I wonder what’s really going on inside.  I honestly have only  allowed God an insight to my emotions.  We’re so afraid of pain but… our hearts have already stopped beating a long time ago…

Dear Heather,

I noticed you didn’t sign your letter at all.  You have only done that a few times in all these entries.  What makes you not sign off?  Just curious.

Anyway, I think you see into others more than they see into themselves.   You see it because you recognize the feelings and emotions in yourself.  “You said this generation looks like a buncha dead bodies walking around… any true emotions have been trashed & a lie is the new truth." 

What you say is so true, but unfortunately, it has looked this way in every generation.  Like I said before, people haven't changed (or learned) all that much in the history of man!

But so few people recognize it in the personal way that you understand.

The truth is that there have always been lost people.  There have always been people that say that they believe in God and call themselves Christians, but whose lives do not reflect that belief.  There have always been believers who stray from their beliefs.  There have always been people who have no idea that there is anything wrong.  There have always been selfish people.  And greedy people.  And hopeless people. 

They all have existed since the Fall of Man.  And they will always exist. 

But for those of us who recognize it, we are disheartened because we know what is/was possible.

I love you.

Mom