100
“Your love is strong:" Invade my heart… invade this town.” (Jon Forman)
No Date
“They’re never just words on a page…”
I don’t understand this concept of love. And why God still loves me even when I’m so unworthy. I won’t accept it. I’ve always been the girl who’s known to choose ‘loser’ guys… I don’t wanna be that girl. I can stand here & say I don’t care & I’ll have no broken-heart for a result. But that’s a lie. I just wanna be loved for who I am by a guy… I wanna learn this whole love thing the way it was supposed to be in the 1st place. Maybe if I stop running I can patch up what hurts. If I just look up from the rocks my feet are stepping on I can see God. Maybe if I just honestly say with all that I am, God is all that I need & actually mean it… then He can mend the gaping holes in my heart & I can begin to learn what love really is.
But all this time I needed more than just Him. If I was gunna live & be happy… I required much more than just God himself. I was too afraid to admit to that but I’m sick of pretending the problem doesn’t exist.
I want to be close to My God & I’m gunna do anything to get there. Let God be everything to me…. That’s all I want. I want everything else to be meaningless for now.
i will love you.
In Christ,
Heather Lee
Dear God,
She is back on that rollercoaster. Allowing the enemy to make her doubt and then discouraging her. But she recognizes it Lord. She knows what she wants. I have no answers or formulas. No ways to help her heart trust – other than by being trustworthy. I fail at a lot of things God, but I have always kept my word with her. I have always been honest. I have always tried to speak Truth to her. I am not the best example of You to her. I know that. I am not gracious enough or patient enough or selfless enough. Sometimes, I’m the worst representation of your life that I can imagine. I am sorry God. You know that is not what my heart wants. I understand Heather in so many ways. I understand that what her heart wants and what she is able to muster up on her own is not the same. And all I know is to turn all of my faults and sins and problems and doubts over to you and then rest and wait.
Maybe I'm trying to do too much. Maybe instead of representing Christ in her life I am trying to be Christ in her life. I do not mean to do that. If that is what I’m doing – tear it from me. Don’t let her hear what is not meant to be heard. Let any untruth or unwise word pass through her – unaffected. But reveal it to me. Let me know my weaknesses so that I can turn it over to You - again.
I love you.
Heather’s Mom
No comments:
Post a Comment