Heather's Journal #50. "I'm finding out that maybe I was wrong...." No Date

50

“I’m finding out that maybe I was wrong.  That I’ve fallen down and I can’t do this alone.  Stay with me please.  This is what I need.  This heart, it beats for only you.  My heart is yours.”  [Source?]

No Date

This notebook is full of pages from good days to bad – yet I still feel like I’m at square one.  Everything I’ve wanted is all a mess now… I don’t even wanna go2 school anymore. I’m happy here, but I find myself wanting2 pack up & move2 somewhere exotic.  Mom thinks I just wanna create a new identity, so no one knows my past.  But that’s not completely accurate.  I don’t care who knows about my past.  I just wanna get away. 

I used2 just want something new.  But even that doesn’t sound satisfying enough.  I want new faces, new clothes, new ideas, new places – same me.  Just different things. 

Well, maybe one day.  For now, I’ll just try n be content here.  I’m happy w/ my Jesus, but I will feel lonely here on earth. 

Everyone seems2 be leaving & I want to go too.  But I’m stuck here.  I don’t wanna go2 highschool anymore b/c all the people are the same.

Ah – IDK  Whateeeeever!

I will strive to be better.

In Christ

Heather Marie Lee

“I wanna dance w/ him in the street & just forget it all.”

Dear Heather,

I know that you like knew and exciting things.  They make you feel good – at least for a moment.  But I bet you could have a new experience every hour and you would get bored of the constant new experiences.  :-)  I  like new and exciting things too.  There is nothing wrong with that – as long as it isn’t a substitute for dealing with reality.

I thought you wanted a place where no one knew your past because I think you would love to create a new you.  Well, not really new.  But the happy, carefree person you think that you want to be.  You don’t want to be held back by your past.  So, I was thinking that the urge to leave may be more related to the freedom that comes with a fresh start. 

I know that you don’t care if other people know about your past.  But you are so busy trying to forget and ignore it that it would be easier if no one else knew. 

Unfortunately, your problems won’t leave you.  They just follow you to the next place until you deal with them.  Kind of like an annoying mosquito.  Or a troublesome child. :-)

I love you.

Mom