Mom's Journal... " Darkness Cannot Consume Me"

Note:  Today I'm grieving all over again.  I've been so busy trying to get the kids in a school routine, I barely have time to look at my computer - let alone post.  But today I had to stop and write.  Sorry for the interruption in our regular blog.  But this is important.

"Darkness Cannot Consume Me"

September 6, 2012

I’m on the verge of tears again today. Nevermind.  Just typing those words started the flood. What starts as a steady stream of tears turns into a cry that comes from the depths of my soul.  The kind of wail that makes breathing a challenge and can’t be stopped until the anguish is fully released. 

I’m overwhelmed with empathy and sympathy for the lost and hurting people in the world.  Two days ago another young woman our family is associated with died a needless and tragic death.  It was her 20^th Birthday.

One look at her Facebook page tells me all I need to know about how much she was hurting.  Days before she died, she wrote, “I’m not scared to die, I’m a little bit afraid of what comes after it.”  

Her banner background had these handwritten words, “My bright is too slight, to hold back all my dark.” 

News of her death triggered grief over Heather and made me miss her all over again. This young woman conveyed the sense of hopelessness that makes me so sad.  There is so much good in the world, but hopelessness allows it to be covered by so much darkness. 

I didn’t know this young woman personally.  She went to the same school that Heather did.  I don’t know if they knew each other.  They were almost exactly the same age, so I’m guessing that they did.  Heather would have understood and befriended her.  I’m sure.

I wish I had met her.  I wish I knew her story.  I have no idea what made her hurt so deeply.  I couldn’t have changed it.  I know that.  But maybe my experience with Heather showed me how I could have loved her anyway.  And pointed her in the direction of the only thing that could change her. Maybe I could have shown her that she wasn’t alone. 

I have to ask myself, why I feel such a strong need to speak into the lives of these kids?  I don’t really know.  But it is a passion that has always been a part of me.

Several young woman who have read our blog have been writing me privately about issues they face that are similar to Heather’s. Some keep their identify a secret so that they can speak freely. I can’t help but wonder if the young women that just died was one of the ones who had been conversing with me. 

And that makes me cry even more. 

I need to turn the lie into Truth. 

With God, my light is so bright, that darkness cannot consume me.