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“11:11 p.m. I
wished my best friend would
come back2 me one day.”
come back2 me one day.”
2-20-08
Okay. So I’ve been struggling with not
talking2 Mac a lot this week & it’s been eating me alive. Tonight I layed it all down2 Christ and
I prayed He’d take it away from me.
I screwed up with Mac & I regret it. But I know God is faithful & loving so I trust He’ll
make the best of things.
I wrote
on about 20 individual flash cards all my mistakes. I wrote things like – 4 every hug, 4 every phone call, 4
every moment of silence, 4 every laugh, 4 every stare, every stupid joke, every
kiss, every I love you & every moment I didn’t put my Lord God 1st.
Then I
prayed that God would release me from what I was hangin’ on to and that He
would strengthen me. That He
wouldn’t necessarily make me 4get about Mac, but that He would help me let go
of him. It’s all I can do.
Mac will never realize how much he meant to me & how amazing I thought he
was. Maybe he’ll talk2 me one day,
but 4 now it’s goodbye.
I’m so
sick of these stupid relationships – I want a guy who’s gonna be my
leader. A guy who is love with
God. A guy who’s perfect for me.
All I
want is 2 go through with this whole love thing the right way. And right now it’s not happening. But of course, I’m only 15! But I promise I’ll know when the right guy comes along. (At least I hope.)
So babe
– when you read this, know I’m thinkin’ of you & I’m tryin my best 2 be
pure & put God 1st.
I’m savin’ myself4 only you because I know that you’ll be just that
worth it. :-)
It’s
hard2 set yourself apart from this world & follow who you’re called2
be. But I will always get back up
when I fail. I’ll never stop
running back2 Christ. I’m gonna
like more guys & fall short in weakness, but I pray I’ll put God 1st. That I’ll stay pure. That’s I’ll wear this purity ring til I
get married. I want2 live a
Christian life. I wanna chase God
with everything I have. Even if
that means letting go of someone you loved. Sometimes goodbye’s the only way. You gotta let’em go2 c if they’ll come back2 you.
I will
strive2 be better.
In
Christ
Heather
Lee
Dear Heather,
You sound so
mature and you nailed it. It is so
hard to set yourself apart from what the rest of the world is doing. At times it all looks like so much fun. And the truth is sometimes it really is
more fun than doing what you know is right – at least at the moment. But you have an advantage over most
people because you already know how unhappy you are when you choose the world’s
way over God’s way.
And the funny
thing is that you probably don’t feel guilty because you think God will be mad
at you. He won’t be mad. He might
be disappointed, but He has already made the ultimate sacrifice to save us from
our sins. That’s why his Son – Jesus
- died on the cross. I guess it’s kind of a waste of God’s time to get angry
after he already took care of the problem once and for all.
So, living the
world’s way makes us unhappy -- but not because we are afraid. It makes us unhappy because we love
someone very much and when we do something to disappoint them - most of us eventually become angry with
ourselves for hurting and disrespecting someone we love.
As for all the
things we do wrong – I wish I could fit my mistakes on 20 note cards. It would probably take about 200 per
day and that’s only if I count the bigger stuff! But once again, you show that you really understand your
problem.
I noticed that you
apologized for hugging and kissing and laughing and other things that really
aren’t wrong – in the right situation.
But that’s the important part – some things that seem wrong are only
wrong in the wrong situation. Like
sex. Before marriage it is
wrong. After marriage you can do
it as often as you want.
The most
important thing you said was that you were sorry for not putting God
first. That’s all that it really
amounts to. You knew that you were
going after what you wanted with this guy– not what was right for you. That’s very wise.
What’s so funny
is that you seem to be attracted to boys that are exactly the opposite of the
kind of person you say you want.
Starting with a guy that loves God. Isn’t this the same guy you have been praying will accept
Christ for the last year? Did
something change?
And wasn’t it
just a few months ago (December 15 to be exact) that you listed all the
qualities you want in a permanent mate?
Does Mac meet your own standards?
I don’t know who
God has in mind for you, but I can be absolutely sure that God will not match
you up for life with a non-Christian permanently. The bible tells us that we should not be “unequally
yoked.” This is kind of a core issue
for marriage.
All that means is
that Christian’s should not marry non-Christians because it will cause a lot of
misery. It’s not that non-Christians aren’t “good enough.” And it also doesn’t mean you can’t
associate with or be friends with non-Christians – which some people might try
to tell you. Non-Christians are
made in the image of God just like you.
And if you don’t associate with non-Christians – how can you ever share
Christ with them?
The only limit is
marriage.
Think about
it. If you are committed to
following Christ and understand that you must follow Him to be happy, but you
also commit your married life to someone who does not share your beliefs – can
you imagine how stressful that would be for you?
Think about how
much you worried about Mac because he was a non-believer. Think about how responsible you felt
for leading him to Christ. Think
about how long this has been going on.
Imagine living that way for the rest of your life. It is not a good recipe for
marriage. (Of course, he could
change. But you don’t know that.)
I know that you
know at least one married person in that situation right now and you have
watched her struggle. And divorce
isn’t an option either.
Sometimes, the story ends well.
But sometimes it doesn’t.
And it is really
really hard if a woman believes that her husband should be the leader of the
family. Can you imagine putting
yourself under the authority of a husband who does not believe in God and
someone who may not even be aware that he needs a Savior? How hard would it be
to follow a husband who is not at all worried about leading you away from God.
That’s why it is
not wise to be unequal partners when it comes to faith.
That’s enough of
the hard stuff for now. We have
much more to discuss but not now.
I love You.
Mom
P.S. Is the “babe” you address in letter
referring to your future husband?
If so, that is really a sweet thought. I’m sure he’d appreciate it.
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