41
“Does everything work out like this 4 a reason?”
1/28/08
Yes. I wake up 2 yet another day 2day but this morning I woke up smiling & only I know why so haha.
Ya think I’m still sad inside? Someone told me that last night & it’s really got me thinking. I mean I’m ok 4 the most part now… right? Well heck. I don’t know anymore. I have my ups and downs but that’s just normal. If I’m still sad on the inside I guess I’ll remain like that 4 the rest of eternity. I don’t know though. At this particular moment. I’m very happy so lemme enjoy it while it lasts.
I will strive to be better.
In Christ,
Heather Marie Lee
Dear Heather,
Happiness is so elusive (hard to find). I think about happiness a lot. I think about my life and really, I have absolutely no reason to be unhappy. I have an incredible loving husband who tolerates my quirky stubborn personality. I have lots of children with incredible giftings and talents who love me most of the time. I am among the richest people in the world – maybe not like Bill Gates or Tom Cruise or Angelina Jolie - but in comparison to the world, our family is probably in the top 10 percent. I have a home that has more than we could ever need. Even the interior décor, which I call “Early American thrift store,” is far better than most of the rest of the world. I know God. I am sure of my place in heaven. We have never gone hungry. I have traveled the world. I have loving parents and grandparents and siblings. I have many friends and people that I can count on if I am in need. I have access to the best medical care. I have a loving committed church family. I have the freedom to practice my religion. I have freedom period. I can be or do anything I want to do. I have opportunities. I have an education. I am skilled in many areas. I could go on and on. I’ve never really listed it out like this before, but you get the idea.
Anyway, with all that – I am never completely satisfied -- permanently. I am not unhappy – yet I’m still not completely fulfilled. Or at the very least I don’t think I am.
I complain. I argue. I get upset. I’m impatient. I want more. I get something – even something really good for me or someone else -- and then I want something else. It never stops.
What makes me happy today, isn’t enough or isn’t right another day. The only constant is God – but even He doesn’t make me happy all the time. Especially when I don’t get what I think I want from Him. Or worse, what I think I need.
Then I start wondering what happiness really is. It isn’t something physical that you can touch. It is a state of mind. And don’t we have complete control over our state of mind – absent drugs, alcohol, or torture?
And if happiness is a state of mind, and so many of us want happiness – then why isn’t everybody happy all the time?
I think happiness is a state of mind – but that it is temporary state of mind. We know it when we feel it – but I’m still not sure that we can use logic or reason to create permanent happiness.
What is interesting is that we can change the way we THINK about our circumstances and sometimes that makes us happy. Like our first Vacation With No Destination. So in a weird way I guess you could say we can reason our way to happiness. Maybe we just aren’t very good at it.
But circumstances are what they are. Sometimes we cannot control what is happening to us or around us. Recognizing that we aren’t in control can sometimes help relieve the tension. Sometimes, just releasing the tension can make us feel happy again.
But even if you are able to magically change the circumstances to something you think would make you happy – even that happiness is fleeting and short lived. That’s especially true of romantic love.
Think about it. Can someone “talk” you into being happy? I doubt it. Usually, it just makes me more angry for someone to tell me why I should be happy when I clearly am not. Ironically, when I have time to process why I am unhappy, I can begin to assess my feelings and sometimes, I can adjust my state of mind. In that way, we have some control over our own happiness.
Some people seem to be naturally positive. They look at most situations in a positive light and don’t seem to let things affect them negatively. But is that really “happiness?” Is being okay with whatever happens equivalent to happiness? I think it creates peace. But I’m not sure if peace is the same as happiness. Unless peace makes you happy!
Other people, like Ty for instance – take every situation and think negatively about it. On the 10th day of summer – Ty said something like this to me. “Mom, I’m so excited about summer. I love it. I love the freedom. But I’m worried that it won’t last. That I won’t have any friends in a few weeks. That people will go on vacation and forget about me. What am I going to do, mom? I hate this, I just want it to be a good summer!” He wanted to keep going but I stopped him….
“Ty, Are you crazy? You just told me that you are so excited about summer and you are having so much fun but you are telling me that at the same time that you are worrying about the rest of summer and talking yourself into being miserable even when you are currently happy? How does that make sense? Why are you worrying about tomorrow or next week? There is nothing wrong and there is no evidence that the summer is going to change. Quit worrying about tomorrow. There are enough troubles for today.”
I read a book once called The Christian’s Secret of a Happy Life. It was written in 1870 by a woman named Hannah Whitehall Smith. I read the abridged version. Basically, she claims that Christians are not supposed to be miserable. Ever. If we are totally committed to Christ and turn all of ourselves over to Him. If we trust completely. Then God will do his part – which is all of the work of life. All we must do is faithfully trust. I might have simplified it a little too much. But basically, that is what she says.
I believe that she is right, in theory. It is possible. But I have never found a person who is real and authentic that professes that life is, in fact, that simple.
At the very beginning, Ms. Smith says what many of us find true. After the newness and excitement of our early belief grows familiar. She says,
“Many of you have your real experience far different. Your victories have been few and fleeting, your defeats many and disastrous. You believe in Christ as your Savior from the penalty of sin but have not found Him as your inward-dwelling Savior from its power. Your early visions of triumph grow dim. You settle for the conviction that a Christian’s life is alternately sinning and failure, repenting and victory, to be repeated again and again.”
“Is this all the Lord Jesus had in mind when He gave His life to deliver you from your cruel bondage to sin? Did he promise to deliver us from our enemies and enable us to triumph only mean sometimes? No! Jesus came to save you from the power and dominion of sin now, in this life. If you doubt this, search your bible.”
I must say that this sounds very good. That Jesus’ death on the cross means that we will not sin here on earth. That we will be free of the desires that seem to well up within us. She seems to understand my questioning, saying, “Do not reject (this idea) then, until you have searched the Scriptures to see whether these things be so. Ask God to open the eyes of your understanding by His spirit that you may know ‘what is the exceeding greatness of His power to us who believe.’”
When I try to reconcile these words with the idea that we are engaged in a spiritual battle, I think that Jesus’ death has overcome sin completely – meaning it is forgiven, not that it doesn’t exist. Perhaps I am wrong. I will pray as she suggests.
I have a lot more thoughts on happiness. Maybe I will write them down later. They are kind of all jumbled in my head that moment.
I love you.
Mom
No comments:
Post a Comment