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“Where all your Dreams come true.”
January 22, 2008
Wow. I haven’t written in a long time. I’ve been busy busy busy. I’m trying not 2 fall asleep in Biology right now. So I have 2 pretend I’m listening while I look up and nod occasionally. Lol.
I’m back from Orlando and we placed 1st in the World! OMG! I can’t even begin 2 tell you how much fun it was. Soccer is so amazing! But I’m not sure where I wanna go w/ it. I can’t imagine not playing soccer but I also can’t imagine doing it as my career. Idk. Right now, I’m not playing in the spring cuz I need 2 work and do other stuff. But anyways the tournament was awesome. Disney World was so much fun! OMG! I went 2 Magic Kingdom & Epcot. It’s pretty much my favoritist place on earth. I loved it. :-)
Okay. So I’ve been doing good. I’m struggling w/ convincing myself I don’t want a boyfriend. Lol. I know it won’t last so why bother? Cuz it’s fun! Lol. But haven’t I already had my fun? Guess it wasn’t enough. Lol. Jk. I really hate wishing I had a guy around 2 give me butterflies. We always want what we can’t have. Cuz when I had a bf I didn’t want one. And now that I don’t have one I want one! What the heck? Sheesh. Ah, I’m never getting married.
I have had a lot on my mind. I’m praying 4 a lot of different things. I’m trying 2 be a better person – fix the things I hate about myself. Like loving children – I just don’t. I mean I love them but I don’t enjoy them. They’re annoying. So I’m praying 4 patience. Other things too that I don’t have time 2 write about.
I’m so little compared 2 God. Each day I wake up I’m happy that God is in my life. I’m so syked that I’m not alone in this world. Lol. God – He’s so awesome. Even through places like Disney World, I just realize the happiness God provides. It’s unspeakable. And I’m praying w/ all my heart that my special friend will see that one day. I’ll never give up.
*I will strive to be better.
In Christ,
Heather Marie Lee
Dear Heather,
It’s a new year. It’s a new opportunity to explore life. I cannot promise that this year will be one bit easier than last year, or the year before that. But hopefully, you will become more content knowing that life is a journey toward a destination and that this life on earth is all about the journey. There will be ups and downs. There are lessons to be learned. Some hard. Some easy. You will Trust God at times. But you may also wonder why you believe in something so silly as a Savior. And Satan.
You might doubt. Many times. And sometimes for long times. Don’t worry about those times. They happen to all of us. Recognizing that the doubts usually come directly from the enemy makes it fairly easy to overcome. God says all we need is faith as small as a mustard seed and He can handle it from there. No matter how much you might try to doubt. No matter how much you might even start to believe your own doubt. I have found that doubt cannot live very long in my mind because God brings the perfection and magesty and beauty of His world to my senses and I cannot fathom any other explanation.
One of the best vacations we ever took as a family happened before you joined us. We called it the Vacation with No Destination. Although we didn’t give it that name until it was over. Me, Dad, our aupair from Finland (Sari), and Bec, Kat and Amster got into our 1992 Nissan Quest mini-van and headed north. We had three simple rules.
Rule Number One: Anyone could stop the car for any reason at any time.
Rule Number Two: The answer to the question, “Are we there yet?” is always “Yes.” Whereever we were at that moment was exactly where we were supposed to be.
Rule Number Three: Whereever we went, we had to be able to get all the way home in one day – the only day we would have an agenda.
I cannot explain to you how freeing that vacation was. We all remember it well. We only made it 20 minutes before someone announced that they were hungry. So we stopped and ate lunch at Arby’s. There was no rush to leave. Because we had no agenda. No time table. We all got back into the car and headed up I-59.
We made it another 40 minutes and someone saw a sign for Noccolula Falls and mentioned that they had never seen the falls. So we pulled off the interstate and wound our way to the falls. We all got out of the car in whatever clothes we had on and began to hike to the bottom of the falls.
At some point near the end there was a very steep rock staircase with a rickety metal railing. Bec decided that she was terrified of walking down them, so dad sat on the steps with her and they scooted down on their bottoms all the way from the top to the bottom. It was sweet. In fact, I just remembered that we have had a picture of that moment in the guest bathroom all these years.
We saw the falls and walked along the base of the falls for a while. We came back up and did a few more things at the park. Then we all got back into the car.
We found an old back road that led to Chattonooga. The road they used before the interstate. We decided to follow the back road to see what we could find.
Not 10 minutes after we got back on the road, I saw what looked like an old woman with a fishing rod and an old-fashioned granny bonnet standing on the edge of a little pond. She stood so still, at first I thought she was a statue. I questioned, “Is she real or a statue?”
Someone piped in, “Let’s go find out.” So we did. She was real. She had dark tan leathery skin – evidence that the big granny bonnet wasn’t enough. She didn’t speak to us.
A short ways down the road we passed a cow pasture. One of the girls asked, “Mom, can you pet a cow?”
“I honestly have no idea. But let’s find out.” So dad pulled the car over onto the side of the road and we all got out and walked up to the wooden fence made from old logs. We stood there and a black and white and tan cow walked right up to us. We lifted up each of the girls to pet the cow. We took pictures.
We had our answer. Yes, you can pet a cow.
And then we all piled into the car again. The trip continued. We stopped by an old bookstore owned by a man that only spoke Russian. That was the first time I had ever met a Russian man in Alabama.
After 12 hours, we finally make the 2 ½ hour trip to Chattanooga. That is where we decided to stop for the night. We found a rustic (not cute rustic but old and run down rustic) hotelish type place on the mountain that had some playground equipment out front and a small kitchen. We spent the night there and the next day explored Chattanooga.
We eventually ended up in Knoxville at the zoo. And then over the Blue Ridge Mountains to North Carolina. We stopped a lot just to look at the beauty of it all.
We saw a sign for the Biltmore Mansion in Ashville, North Carolina. We decided to go see it. I’m not sure how the kids felt about the mansion – but the adults thought it was beautiful. The kids liked the big open fields surrounded by flowers. They ran and played and rolled around.
We met a young couple while we were eating lunch. We began a conversation and walked around with them for a while. Then we all left. We spent the night in the area. The younger couple headed back to the road.
The next afternoon, we stopped at a gas station in South Carolina. And much to our surprise that same young couple was there. It seemed like a mighty odd coincidence, but just that.
The next day, we went to the Atlanta Zoo. It was our last stop before we went home. And you’ll never guess who we saw at the Zoo. Yes. It was the same young couple. At the zoo. At exactly the same time we were. Two days after we first met them.
At that point, it looked a lot less like a coincidence and more like they were stalking us – perhaps to kidnap one of my kids. My mind started going a little crazy. I started to think all kinds of weird bad thoughts. I wouldn’t let the kids out of my sight. I began to think they were really psychopaths out to get us!
Of course, that was just my mind letting fear get to me. It turns out they lived in Atlanta and were on the last day of their first vacation together. They weren’t mass murderers after all.
Here's the part you've probably heard before. A llama got the best of your mama!
So, one of the last things we did was go to the petting zoo. There were two sides to the petting zoo. They switched sides every few minutes so the animals wouldn’t get so tired of people fooling with them.
There was a llama at the entrance of the side we went to. We talked and petted and played with all the animals without incident and then left as requested. Within a minute or so of herding all the kids out of the petting area, I realized that I had forgotten my jacket. Without thinking about it, I walked back in to the petting area and saw the llama who had been so polite just moments before.
I was in a good mood and I very happily said to the llama, “So, how are you doing today?” Out of nowhere, this llama rared his head back and promply spit this disgusting green smelling stuff all over me. It was on my face. My hair. My clothes. My shoes. And did I mention it smelled absolutely terrible?
All I could do was laugh hysterically. Once again, I had the answer to my question. Apparently, he was not having a very good day. And if I would kindly leave him alone while he's off duty, he would be a little better.
I had never seen a llama up close before. I certainly had not yet learned that unhappy llama’s spit their gastric juices at things when they want you to leave. I learned all that at the Atlanta Petting Zoo.
So, I tell you this story because it was one of the few times in my life that I was able to completely and totally enjoy everything that happened. I enjoyed it – even the llama spitting – because I had decided that whatever happened would not get to me. I would allow life to happen without trying to control every aspect.
We can’t live like that everyday. We aren’t meant to just exist and let life happen around us. We have to engage in it. But we don’t always have to let the good or the bad determine the value of our existence.
We tried to do exactly the same kind of trip the following year. Only this time we headed East. It wasn’t the same at all. We couldn’t recreate that total freedom we felt the first time. It wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t the miracle the first trip seemed to be.
I think life is like that sometimes. Sometimes we only feel that life-changing impact once at the deepest level. The memory of that feeling is what keeps us moving forward at other times – even when we can’t recreate that exact feeling. It explains us.
You are one of the most self-aware 15-year-olds I have ever met. You are doing such a good job recognizing your issues. You know what you feel and you can express it. You know a lot of the Truth and you can express that too. That shows wisdom beyond your years.
Most teens are just going through the motions – totally unaware of what they think or why they think it. You are struggling at a level that most of us don’t until we are years older. Nothing you are experiencing is unusual or abnormal. You feel the way many of us have felt (or still feel) along the way.
Anyway, I encourage you to embrace the journey. Don’t worry so much about the stopping points along the way. You know that your ultimate destiny is heaven, so let this life teach you what it can.
My favorite verse is in James. It says, “Consider it pure joy my friends when you face trials of any kind, for the testing of your faith develops perseverance and perseverance must finish its work so the you will be mature and complete – lacking nothing.”
It sounds so contradictory to say consider it JOY to endure struggles. But I think God is telling us that that is where the real substance of our life on earth is. In the journey.
I love you.
Mom
P.S. Maybe heaven is like Disney World. All the best stuff crammed into one place! Adventure. Excitement. Beauty. Fantasy. Fun. For your sake, I hope so.
I don’t think I would want my heaven to be like Disney World. I’d like it to be more like a beautiful island surrounded by mountains and water and neverending beauty that constantly changes so that I can witness it every day. And I’d like to have lots of interesting and exotic animals (that I don’t have to take care of because that’s not the fun part) and a seat right next to God.
Postscript: This week, a total of four of my adult children and their significant others were moving and I went to our storage room to move things around to make room for more! In the far back corner I found a gigantic framed soccer jersey with a metal plaque that read "World 3 on 3 Soccer Champions." It was Heather's. At the time she wrote this entry, she had just returned from the tournament in Disney World. She was so excited and proud.
But that all changed a week or so later. I don't remember how we found out, but apparently one of her coaches had either intentionally or accidentally put the wrong birthday for one of the girls, allowing them to play in a younger age division. When Heather discovered this, she was no longer proud or excited. Without telling anyone, she took the framed jersey, the certificate and the trophy (or maybe it was a medal - I can't remember) and put them in the back of the storage room. She never mentioned that championship again, nor did she include it on her transcript. In her mind, it wasn't a fair win so it was worthless. I was so proud of her at that moment. Finding that jersey reminded me of that. Honor before glory. Good girl.
