75
“Last Day of my 9th
grade year”
5-15-08
“I have
no idea how to put into words what I’m going through right now. I was awake till 3 a.m. shaking &
crying. It was literally like an
internal battle I was having with myself.
I called several people to pray for me but not a surprise no one was
up.
So I
took 2 sleep aid pills & eventually cried myself2 sleep. I was gonna make a mistake this
weekend, a big mistake and I felt my flesh rising up in power just like it has the many times
before. I wanted it so bad it made
my heart pound with excitement.
But God
spoke to me… he made it clear just as I prayed He would do. So I had no
excuses. He’s testing me 2 see how
faithful I’d be. After everything
I’ve learned I was still gonna
choose the world over God.
As Mark
preached last night, I’m sick of giving the devil the satisfaction of battles
when God already won the war. I
went running and sat over the waterfall & I prayed 2 God. He made me
realize that’s it’s not just me in this war, that the entire world is under
Satan’s temptation. If I give up
and let him win, where is the hope left behind for the others?
How
could I boldly say no to God & yes 2 my flesh? My heart aches thinking how close I was to making that
decision. As I sat up there, I
decided I wanted to take 20 steps 4ward instead of 20 steps backwards. No words could describe the beauty I
saw today. I don’t care what the
world throws at me… I will strive to be faithful to my God.
I will
strive2 be better,
In
Christ,
Heather
Lee
Dear Heather,
What can I say but Wow! You are demonstrating the process of decision-making -- weighing the benefits and consequences and making a reasonable choice based on the likely outcome! That is a sign of maturity. I have no idea what "adventure" you had planned this weekend, but the fact that you looked ahead of your immediate desires and weighed the possible consequences is HUGE! Sometimes we do all this and still make a choice that doesn't work out quite the way we had planned. Such is life. But I'm fairly sure that you made the best choice. Only time will tell.
I do take issue with one thing you said. Although some famous people disagree with me, I don't believe that GOD presents us with a challenge simply to TEST our faith. He knows that we are weak. He is omniscient. He knows the outcome.
That is not to say our faith isn't tested. It is. Every day. But I take issue with the idea that God is intentionally creating the situation just to see if you will stick by him. That makes no sense to me given the Nature of God.
The God I know from the bible isn't out to "get us." He isn't out to prove that we aren't good enough and that our faith isn't strong enough. Of course, he does want to make us stronger and build our faith. But I'm not sure that he does that by "testing" us like a mid-term exam in school.
Don't misunderstand me. Our faith IS tested, but the tests are created by our choices and the conflict between our fleshly desires and our new nature in Christ. Our choices create a self-test so to speak. Daily living gives us multiple opportunities to test our faith. Other people's choices test our faith. And certainly, if that isn't enough... Satan is willing to step in and test our faith.
That is not to say our faith isn't tested. It is. Every day. But I take issue with the idea that God is intentionally creating the situation just to see if you will stick by him. That makes no sense to me given the Nature of God.
The God I know from the bible isn't out to "get us." He isn't out to prove that we aren't good enough and that our faith isn't strong enough. Of course, he does want to make us stronger and build our faith. But I'm not sure that he does that by "testing" us like a mid-term exam in school.
Don't misunderstand me. Our faith IS tested, but the tests are created by our choices and the conflict between our fleshly desires and our new nature in Christ. Our choices create a self-test so to speak. Daily living gives us multiple opportunities to test our faith. Other people's choices test our faith. And certainly, if that isn't enough... Satan is willing to step in and test our faith.
I'm not a theologian and I might not have a "correct" interpretation, but this makes me think of the story of Job? Satan challenged God and God chose Job as his representative to prove that one man would hold onto his faith even in the midst of terrible adversity. God gave Satan permission (isn't that interesting... permission...?) to test Job's faith. God didn't do it himself. He gave Satan the chance to to it. God already knew the outcome.
Job wasn't a perfect little saint that did exactly what he was told without questions. He talked to God. Challenged God. Questioned God. Begged God. He sought to understand why he was enduring such pain and loss and misfortune. He wanted answers, but he didn't always get them - or at least not as he expected.
Job is like me and you. He wants to understand. He wants to find purpose in his life and all that happens to him. In the end, he learns about trust and faith, but not because God "tested" him. Satan did that.
Job wasn't a perfect little saint that did exactly what he was told without questions. He talked to God. Challenged God. Questioned God. Begged God. He sought to understand why he was enduring such pain and loss and misfortune. He wanted answers, but he didn't always get them - or at least not as he expected.
Job is like me and you. He wants to understand. He wants to find purpose in his life and all that happens to him. In the end, he learns about trust and faith, but not because God "tested" him. Satan did that.
Anyway, a test is a test is a test. Sounds like you passed. Following Christ won't always be easy but you will find peace and joy – as well
as adventure and fun.
I love you.
Mom
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