Friday, July 5, 2013

Heather's Journal #88. Proverbs 31:10 "A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth more than rubies." 7-15-08


88
“Proverbs 31:10.    “A wife of noble character who can find? 
She is worth more than rubies.”

7-15-08

“Make me beautiful, make me shine.  Design my heart into a flawless pearl, fearless for your name.  I’m still so selfish God, wreckless in my own ambitions & desires.  The youth of my mind lacks the wisdom to grow in your word.  Fill me, teach me, complete me. 

God I know so little about you… a lifetime of studying  your Word still wouldn’t compare to who you are.  I’m lost in Your love that you have so gracefully been revealing to me. 

Your gentleness oh God, overwhelms me.  I’m truly thankful.  Show me more, I’m curious for Your unfailing love God.  I want to climb to the top of this world with you, I want to walk hand in hand with You through it and I wanna fall asleep to your voice. 

My heart beats for you… I dance to its rhythm and I sing your name.  I am so in love with you.  How could I turn to anyone else?  Thank you for still speaking to me even when I wasn’t listening…

I will love you.

“I drive into the  deep, into the sea inside of me to find another song, to find a place where it belongs. I am so naïve, I am so naïve. If you’re  the open skies then I am the ocean and Horizons make the place we can meet again.” Source?

Dear Heather,

My prayers have been answered for the moment.  Rest in the answers, honey.

I love you.
Mom

Monday, July 1, 2013

Heather's Journal #87. "James 1:5 'If any of you lacks wisdom...." 7-9-08"


87
James 1:5 “If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who Gives to all men generously and without reproaching, and it will be given to him.”
7-9-08

Silence my heart… take my soul captive so I don’t have to make decisions.  I’ve made such a mess of things.  I cannot deal with my past and teenage life at the same time. It’s all too much for me.  God hears me screaming… why is he so delayed at rescuing me?  I can’t breath.  I can’t see.  I’m scared to move.  I’m terrified of leaving  everything I’ve ever known….

 I will strive to be better.
In Christ,
Heather Lee

“You’re sinking in this and you don’t even know where to go as the darkness unfolds.  Nobody sees it, it’s where you’re alone.  And all you know is that you want to start again.  We’re taking action again, do you believe in what you need?  That you will find your story’s end?



Dear Heather,

Take my heart captive. Believe that He will. 

But you are also believing these lies:
  *Your life is too much to bear. 
  *God is delaying His rescue.
  *You cannot breathe.

The Truth is:
  *He will not give you more than you can bear.
  *God is waiting on you.
  *You are surviving.

Release the Lies. Embrace the Truth.

I love you.
Mom


Lord,

Please take Heather’s heart captive.  Make it one with Yours. Help her find peace and rest.  Take what little trust she has and use it to the fullest.  She is sinking further into despair – all the while knowing that she is doing it.  Help her.

I love you.
Heather’s Mom 

Heather's Journal #87. "Dance with me" 7-9-08


87
“Dance with Me”
7-9-08
Another early morning… I’m halfway satisfied & half-way disappointed.  Why am I seeking out guys2 fix this lonely heart of mine?  When I already know so well that they always let me down.  I wanna be beautiful to someone so bad but it’s never long before I push even them away. 

No explanation.  But I continue to sit here broken… why can’t I just be emotionless?

Where is my Lord?  He’s all I need, so why am I left wanting more?  Am I not seeking him fully?

Why do I have such strong cravings for something else?  I beg God to take my heart and wrap it in the biggest vine of thorns and keep it locked up until He says otherwise.  Take my desires out of sight, out of power. Please.

I will strive to be better.
In Christ,
Heather Lee

Dear Heather,

You are seeking out guys because you can see them and feel them and touch them and talk to them.  They can say the words “You are beautiful” even if they do not mean them.  You are longing for so much.  Yet you know that you are running in the wrong direction and it doesn’t feel like you can stop yourself.  It must feel like an addicition to alcohol or drugs or even food.  You know it is bad for you but you want it anyway with the hopes that it will give just a moment of pleasure to ease the pain that you feel. 

I don’t have all the answers.  I wish I could say more.  All I can say is that you are not alone.  Other people feel the way you do.  And God is waiting beside you for permission to rescue you.

I love you.
Mom